Ramble. Ramble. Ramble.

Uncertainty. That's what is ailing me today. I am in a place where I don't know how I could act this way. I am getting mixed signals. But, is it enough to let it get in the way? Or is it just being blown out of proportion? I tend to do that... so. I am faced with a choice. I can continue and fight, or I can walk away. Walking away is always easier, but I'm not sure if that's what is best. I don't know. Just thinking a lot about it. My son is feeling the pressure, and he is acting out because of it. Either way I have to get it under control. He is so sensitive to what is going on emotionally around him. Yesterday, I was a mess. Just hurting and confused. He was hollering and making trouble all day. He feels it. He is cute, wants to snuggle. I love my little bundle of joy. He lights up my world. I wonder. How did I get so far from the path I once walked? It seems like so long ago I was laying my life down for God. For his plan. I was going to write a devotional. I actually started it. I was half way through exodus. But, then life happened. I know I need to get on it. I feel like I just abandoned what God had planned. Of course, here I have all this free time, have I utilized it? Nope. Instead I sit around watching greys reruns....go me. It's not good. I think I need to rededicate my spare time to Gods plan. I know, a devotional study guide is needing me to write it. I have felt it for a long time. I have so much to say, what better way than to mix it in with Gods words? With his voice...He is speaking to me. Asking me to trust him. I am so wrapped up in myself, and in Camden...our life here. How long has it been since I have consulted him before making a decision? Too long. So. I shall start. Today. I will begin writing my devotions. Through the bible, one chapter at a time. I imagine it will take a while. But that's good. It will keep me busy, not that I don't have enough to do already lol...We are going to Portland tomorrow. I am excited. Excited to see people. I miss everyone. Though I love it here, I don't know many people. I want to meet people. I think it's for the better that I take a nap today too. I only slept about 4 hours last night. I cleaned my house. It's spotless :) I cleaned everything. Organized. It does look amazing if I do say so...lol. Anyway, the moment has passed. So I think I will get off here and go do something else :)