picking up the pieces...

I suppose its time to get back into this whole writing thing...er blogging thing. Anyway, tomorrow I start back at Consumer, I'm excited to go back. Aside from that, I have been hiking like mad, and Gram and I are in training to hike Mt. St, Helens..I cant wait! Lets see, its been so long since I have written a blog I feel like I am out of touch with my creative writing side. I cleaned house today, deep cleaned...I never let my house get too messy. Not really sure when or how I became a clean freak...maybe because I dont have cable, and I like a clean place...oh well. What else.. life is good, I was thinking the other day. The question that comes to mind is how did I become who I am today? How did I become the girl my mom warned me about when I was younger? What I mean by that is, I am the girl guys want to have sex with, not a relationship. This recently came to my attention when about 4 different guys said they wanted a relationship with me then the first time we were alone they tried to jump in bed with me. Well, then theres the few that just flat out asked me if they could sleep with me, no strings attached. Yeah, I am weak sometimes, but God gave me the strength to hold out...except for one. oops... I am not perfect, in fact far from it. I think the enemy attacks me in this area because of my past. What I used to do for a living makes me an easy target I guess.. well, new rule. If a guy wants to date me, he has to go through an interview with my stepdad :) lol...yeah, I am going to that length! Then they have to get approval from him, he doesnt approve, I dont date them! So keep that in mind guys ;) anyway, my mom was saying that as women we put off a vibe that says either "Im down to have sex" or "Touch me and die" lol...I guess, from my conclusion I have been putting off the wrong vibe. hmm... food for thought, how can I change this image? (Thats a rhetorical question) Do I dress super slutty? (another rhetorical question)...I think that I am going to have to do some soul searching on this topic. On another note, I definitely need to do the next right thing. Which, by the way, is my definition of worship. Most people look at worship as something you do in church, others say its time and money, others say its singing, or all of the above. In my mind, worship=doing the next right thing. No matter what the circumstances. Now, obviously we as humans, myself especially, dont always do the next right thing. For me, its about when I realize I have done the wrong thing, picking up the pieces and doing the next right thing. How's that for a definition? I like it :) my goodness, I am jumping from topic to topic... I got thirsty the other night, first time in a long time that has happened to me. It only lasted a minute, thank goodness. Then today while I was at lunch I ran into a fellow aa, and gave him a hug. He's an old timer with a lot of time under his belt. I think tomorrow night I'll go to CR, even if I have to be late. Next week I plan to pick up at least one meeting. Hopefully, course we have been hiking a lot, and need to do more. Hopefully 2 hikes next week. Well, 2 a week until we summit Mt. St. Helens for that matter. Thats the goal anyway. Okay, one more topic for the evening then I'm off here :) I was thinking the other day about how dependent we are on our cell phones. Did you know there was a study done recently? It showed that people who were without their cell phones for, I think 3 days, had the same feelings of a person who had been kidnapped!! Can you believe that? I can...So, here was my thought. How dependent we are on our cell phones vs. how dependent we are on the bible. I never leave the house without my phone, and if I do, I feel incomplete, and lost. However, I leave my bible home all the time! How much different, how much stronger would our walk be if we depended on our bibles as much as we depend on our cell phones? I guess thats just another tidbit of food for thought. Overall, life is good right now. I need to change some things, recent choices led me to this place of isolation from God, and I am just trying to find my way back to his arms right now. I am just tired of the cycle. I dont know, I guess right now I just needed to word vomit all over my blog...Its time to pick up the pieces of my life, and get back to a place where I know I am supposed to be... C'est la vie...